Scott wanted a college girl. What he got was a weirdo showing up at his work looking like a drug dealer.
Scott wanted a nuclear family, what he got was being dragged into fandoms and weird scifi.
I found out yesterday, after refusing to come anywhere near me on previous Halloweens when I would sport a stroked on mascara beard that looks freakishly real, he saved this next picture from this year’s Halloween on his phone after sending all the rest to the cloud. It took twenty years, but I think he’s good with it now. He wanted a wife/mother/housekeeper/cook, what he got was a best friend for life.
I’ve been racking my brain all week about a Plan, I need a plan.
I know you all are probably sick of hearing it, but my blogs went smashing through a timewarp dimension with the Xanga Relaunch, and one of the biggies was my daily private blog. That thing is obliterated so badly that columns lie on top of one another and everything is a big fuzz of gobbledygook. No, I’m not going to make it public and show you.
By the way, it still bothers me that all my devices recognize a word like gobbledygook but I have to teach all of them to accept Batman. Anything involving twitter is especially bad for retaining new words. It’s like twitter interfaces through a stroke victim. But I digress.
Ever since I ‘lost’ my private blog I have felt lost down to the core of my soul. Every day for 9 years I typed out a couple of paragraphs about what I wanted to get done during the day, tossing in a few private jokes for the one person on the planet allowed to read it. So it’s not just the daily plan, but the daily interaction that got pulled out like a rug and shaken to bits. Oh, we can still interact on facebook messaging and whatnot, but the structure is gone and I can’t colorize my fonts and throw in cute stuff. Anyway, 9 years is a long time, and I had developed some very good habits, like succinctly organizing my thoughts, really good for the ol’ writing skillz. Don’t worry, I have it all archived, nothing is truly lost but the cool experience. That’s what I created all my blogs to be, experiences, not just more articles of blah text.
Had a big ol’ talk with Scott this morning. Part of my head mess is this time crunch. I had goals set with definite dates- 3 month, 6 month, and 12 month goals. I exceeded my 3 and 6 month goals and was surging into blowing myself away with passing my 12 month goal beyond my most uninhibited expectations. And then the Xanga Relaunch happened. No, let me put that differently. Both my daughters got pregnant, I went through a surgery and then helped with a preemie before I’d gotten even a weeks’ recovery, and THEN the Xanga Relaunch happened. I was managing to stay on track and still surprisingly accomplishing more than I planned until that relaunch. My world tailspinned this month. The move to new servers wasn’t the smooth transition I thought it would be. My content is intact, but my blogs look now like a gradeschooler made them and abandoned them and they’re saying it might still be another month or two before the ‘dust settles’. I weep in my inner emotional core while my physical face locks into stone staring at my screen. My attempts to restructure some kind of archive system is eating up great swaths of time. The fact that my first book launch was heavily based on two of my blogs about knocked me off my egomaniacal feet.
I had briefly entertained the idea of just moving my cool stuff to Blogger in the first place but thought Nah, too much work, would take too much time, just trust the Xanga, the Xanga is good. (I really did love Xanga, best blogging platform I ever played with, all kinds of freedom to be creative.) Now I’m wondering if I should at least test run moving one of my blogs over so I can reincorporate my own template. People around the world have told me how cool my blogs are (were… ). Now I’m wondering if setting a week or two aside for reconstruction would actually be my best plan at this time.
My original plan for my first book launch was to have everything turned into the publisher by October. I’ve worked in sales, I know the seasonal heartbeat well, and it seems like a good move. It’s not critical, but it’s a good option, timing merch placement when the world comes out of the woodwork combing shops and internet for gift giving, and incidentally spending more on themselves while they’re at it. But honest assessment this week is dredging up the glum realization that there’s just no way I can pull it off now without shutting down everything else in my life for two solid weeks. EVERYTHING. I’m really good at assessment and time budgeting, despite how scattered my life looks, and I’ve actually pulled off some pretty big stuff before in my life, so I have every confidence I can do this. But at what cost? I’ve finally got my personal life in a really good place, I *like* the social interaction I’ve become accustomed to (this is a huge thing for me, I’m a natural recluse, as Lexx fans found out when I shut down all my internet stuff for a couple of years), and I really don’t want to lose my traction. Because, and this is what’s happily saving me from some pretty severe depression lately, my social networking, just playing around being myself, is actually *better* now than it was when I originally set this whole plan up. Even with the epic blog fail, even through my world crashing apart, I’m actually in a better place now than I was before the it happened. I know! I can’t believe it, either!
So long drawn out story even longer, I had a good talk with Scott this morning. Move the book launch. Time it with the after New Year self help and white sales. ~Use~ the manuscript work as stress relief to get me through the holidays, as distraction. But right now, do what I love doing most- working on my blogs. Give myself a little time to feverishly obsess over them in true aspie form and I will feel soooo much better. Get my little platform back under my feet and start over. I know I’m capable, I know how hard I can work. I love to work.
But I’m a camera bug so going forward I’ll put pix on this blog.
Aside from that, my plan today is to CLEAN MY HOUSE. Some people stop eating and get real thin when they stress out, I rip through drawers and clean toilets. God help you if I run out of laundry, because I’ll take your clothes right off your back.
And by the way, for everyone worried about the government amassing private information on us- just try getting your GRE test scores sometime. My psychologist and I are really curious about mine because I nearly didn’t make it into grad school over a much lower than normal score. Fortunately, there were 3 sections and I scored so super high on the other two that they did go ahead and allow me in after much head scratching. After a couple of quality hours in phone calls hither and yon yesterday I finally reached the one person on the entire planet who knew how to find a notation on my alumnus account long after the test scores were tossed into the purge fires of 7-year record keeping, and I must travel in person to campus next week to look at a computer screen because there is no way they are allowed to print that info out for me at any cost. I’m going to do my best to get a picture of that on my phone. I also have no proof I ever broke my foot since a local clinic was absorbed by a regional system and anything that might have been microfiched has long gone to a dump somewhere. So I laugh when I hear people fret about the government centralizing all our information into some vast whatever. The first half of my marriage has already dissolved into the ethereal mists, and excepting for a tiny handful of documents in one building in a tiny little town, there is literally no memory of Scott and I existing on this planet beyond ten years ago. If anything, more and more of us are simply going to just disappear, despite more and more rigorous record keeping. Take heart, Amehrka, those dossiers on your lives are just busy work so someone can get paid. I can only hope that the government kept records of my original blogs, because I am so sad that they got smashed up.
I’ll just mRpl my way through like I always do.