Little Lexx

I joined the Little Lexx ( forum on November 9th of 2005. To this day, never before or since were there as many users online at the same time in that forum as June 4, 2007, thanks to my presence, and thanks to a handful of other users making me almost as famous as the Lexx actors for awhile. The train wreck was magnificent.

 photo 99.jpg

Years later I have the opportunity to help keep this forum ‘alive’, as it were. Other true fans have been paying out of pocket for years to keep up the domain registration and web hosting, and even rescued the forum from something awhile back that nearly took out the history. I’m not sure what happened and what went into the salvage, but I was grateful to find the forum hadn’t disappeared. It looks a little scantier than it originally did, but thankfully a lot of the archives are still there.

 photo billbored.jpg

As of right now, Little Lexx doesn’t expire again now until 2016. I don’t own the Little Lexx domain. I’m not an admin, and I’m not in charge of anything. I am only a contributor. I’m not interested in using the ‘bored’ to promote myself, and I’m not there to be a superfan. There are plenty more Lexx fans who know a great deal more than I do and have spent a lot more money and time on souvenir acquisitions, attending conventions, and building fan sites. I generally don’t team up with other fans any more to get things done or make things happen, and I suck at stalking the actors. I’ve also been out of touch with other fans for several years. But when 2016 rolls around, I’ll be first in line again to keep that forum paid for.

 photo littlelexx2016.jpg

I just don’t want this forum to disappear. A little over a year ago I gave some deep thought to making a solid commitment to a few things, and Lexx is one of them. Even though I gave away most of my own collection and deleted my original fan sites, which were somewhat prolific, Lexx was part of something very important that was happening in my private life, and I accept now that Lexx is part of me and how I survived some really hard stuff, as bizarre as that sounds to some people.

 photo backupfolder051.jpg

Going forward, Lexx is part of who Janika Banks is. There is much much more to me, and I’m already coming back more prolifically than before with some pretty big projects underway, but Lexx is part of what started it all and will remain part of who I am.

 photo yablo-1.gif

I’m not a nostalgic sort because I’m aspie, not really into contacting people. Most of my previous internet relationships during Lexx years ago came from other fans contacting ~me~. I love fans and I love fandoms, but I’m not going to jump back in there and run any message boards. One of the great mantras “Lexx is dead” (I hear that so often) problematically came about of continual unnecessary board wars, in my opinion, which can be traced historically across several forums, and seems to be a problem more in the United States than anywhere else. I’ve been contacted by fans around the world, literally, asking me (why me???) why this was happening and why I didn’t just go fix it. My answer is 1- it’s not my job, 2- I’m not out to compete with or be better than anyone, 3- why don’t the people asking me do it themselves, and 4- I honestly can’t believe so many people around the entire globe are that afraid of 3 people. I’ve never seen anything like it.

 photo backupfolder313.jpg

While other actors are finding ways to flourish in social media, some of the Lexx actors have disappeared for years and not been very present for the fans. Some are just now finding their feet on facebook and twitter. Fans still have an awful time finding them because meta searching is so dismal. To date, the best way to find Lexx actors is still through loyal fans and their websites, and even those are sadly neglected. You can click on this pic to get to that site.

 photo lexxdomain.jpg

Social media is the future. Want more Lexx? I’m working on making sure you can find more in the search engines. THAT is what *I* do. I’m the only fan in the United States on twitter that I can find actively linking Lexx on a regular basis, besides a random fan here or there tweeting from getglue or whining about netflix. Other long ‘dead’ scifi fandoms have huge representation on twitter. While other fans still link long abandoned Lexx fan sites, I work on creating all new stuff. I don’t just sit around talking on a message board about Lexx. I actively seek out fans on tumblr who think no other Lexx fans exist, I blog about Lexx, I still get new screen shots no one has ever gotten before. Click this pic to follow me on twitter.

 photo lexxtwitter.jpg

Commitment. I know I failed the fans when I dumped all my stuff and walked away. I know I suck for that. But unless I really die this time, it’s not going to happen again, and I just put my money where my mouth is on the Little Lexx forum. Lexx is NOT dead. Lexx is finally merchandising through places like Target, which I used to only dream of. Brand new Lexx is cheaper now than used Lexx in gamer stores, and I know because I bought up all the used Lexx in my region. I had gamer store clerks clearing Lexx merch out of other stores in another state and mailing it to my house so I could give it away as prizes one day. I’ve already given away a complete used Lexx and a complete new Lexx to people who actively attend Lexx watches, even though that was never part of my intention with social media. Still, I did make this offer…

 photo 1000.jpg

A few fans have done Lexx reviews on youtube and still cosplay Lexx at conventions. I’m not a journalist, and although I enjoy digging this stuff up, I don’t consider it my job to link everyone I find. I’m not into salvage like I used to be when I was first horrified that Lexx was disappearing off the internet. My agenda with Lexx is being true to the story and the characters, first and foremost. I’m working on a couple of Lexx projects relating to that. My stuff will come into existence with or without forums and fan sites, but if other fans would like more interaction and more traffic to their own stuff, Little Lexx is still around, and several of us still check it to see if anything new is happening. We would love to see your pictures and youtubes and whatever else you’ve got going as a Lexx fan.

 photo backupfolder016.jpg


I am *wide awake*. This is my third night without zyrtec after a month of pretty hard core (and doctor prescribed) dosing. Not even going into why, I’m sure people are sick of hearing about it on Twitter and in my Pinky Stuff.

You know how your coolest ideas hit you when it’s nearly impossible to get them written down, like in the shower or while you’re driving or in dreams? Besides keeping spirals scattered around my house and in my car, I have blogs scattered around the internet. My head is a really busy place. I’ve spent nearly thirty years not sleeping because my insomnia is so bad, and over the last nearly ten years I’ve been compiling millions of words into documents. I’ve had loads of practice now, and I can easily whittle ten thousand words down to a 140 character thought. If I ever time travel, I bet I wind up being Confucius.

Some people put quality time into gaming. I’m pretty jealous of them. I’ve tried several kinds of games to pass the long sleepless hours, usually a terrible mistake. Being an obsessive aspie with natural inclinations to addiction, I disappear for days and resurface all wobbly and shaky and disoriented to time and place. The disorientation happens all the time anyway, constantly getting my days mixed up and getting lost in Walmarts, but gaming is like techmeth and turns my brain inside out until I don’t exist in this dimension anymore. I was the first (and only so far) person to hashtag techmeth in English on twitter.

I’m into a different sort of gaming now, called social media. I broke through the glass ceiling on Klout yesterday with a 64. The average Klout Score hovers in the 40s, but if you can get 63 or over you are in the top 5% of social media influencers on Klout. Klout tracks pretty much anybody with a twitter account. My favorite authors on Klout have scores in the 80s, and Jessica Gottlieb has 78 right now. I have never for the life of me figured out why she followed me on Twitter, but I’m blown away that she does. I think it’s cool and I really appreciate it. Anyway, hope I can keep that score up! Takes work. O_o
And I guess while I’m sidetracking I may as well throw in that Henry Winkler tweeted at me this week.
I tend to meander and free associate myself right off the page, so back to my original thought. I’m thinking that being super stoned on zyrtec for a month isn’t helping me get this manuscript ready for the publisher at all, and I may just have to put up with ragweed and autumn leaf mold oozing my eyeballs down my face (hashtag lifeinthewoods) while I stay awake and WORK. I’ve been getting double and even triple my usual sleep with the zyrtec, which you’d think would be heavenly after decades of insomnia, but my regular doctor isn’t happy at all that I’m a zombie and wants me to stop taking it and call my allergist.
So this is my brain right now sans zyrtec null and it’s time to get sexy all over a manuscript.

I’ll never be the same

I seem to have successfully pulled through a major depression cycle without meds of any kind (except zyrtec, haha) for the first time in two decades. It was hard. Doctors have kept me on and off meds for so many years that I’ve always had *something* to catch me while I was going off something else, even if it was just minor pain pills. This cycle was no worse than any other I’ve been through without meds. Just up to me to handle. Since I’ve been practicing for this, thankfully I was ready. I did it!

I would never dream of telling anyone to go off their meds. It’s actually pretty dangerous if you don’t do it correctly. Besides unexpected personality changes that can escalate self harm or harm to others, there is sometimes risk of life threatening seizures. If you ever want to try going off your meds, do your research FIRST, talk to your doctor NEXT, set up a plan together, and THEN execute. Never just stop your meds thinking you can tough it out. You can’t. I’ve been through a Xanax rescue and I’m the toughest person I know.

Same with alcohol withdrawal. Tell someone. Don’t cold turkey alone, it’s too hard on your liver. I speak from experience. Three months of my liver crashing really sucked. Take it real slow, give your body lots of time to adjust.

Incremental withdrawal is debatable with some medical professionals. Most of those medical professionals have never gone through withdrawal. They don’t know. I’ve gone through some hellish withdrawals, and there is no guarantee your will power will hold up when stuff has ‘washed out of your system’. The kindest thing you can do for yourself is make a plan, make other people aware of your intentions so you’ll have a safety net, and take it slow. If it takes two years, it takes two years. Tiny suck is better than overwhelming monumental suck that lands you in the ER.

The single most important thing you can do is connect with people. Find people you can be honest with, then be honest. Say you need help. Apologize ahead for being a drag and tell them you appreciate them not taking you personally when you suck (and apologize more afterward). Tell them you love them and you hope you don’t hurt them while you go through your inner hell. Whether it’s needing to go on meds (please consider going on meds if you are having problems with relationships because you’re having a hard time controlling anger, depression, and/or anxiety), or needing to change meds (it’s a process, I know it’s a drag, but it’s worth it), or feel like you need to get off meds (sometimes meds just aren’t the answer or you wind up being one of those freaks like me who has reactions to everything), it’s vital that you get other people in on what’s going on with you. Being honest is way more productive in the long run than trying to hide your stuff and thinking when it’s all better everything will be ok between you and whoever.

There is such a stigma still associated with needing ‘head meds’ or counseling that a lot of people never get the help they need. Our heads can get just as upset as a sour stomach. If you’ve ever lived with chronic heartburn, imagine your brain living with chronic chemical imbalance. You stay upset or worried and it resets your fight or flight response to higher and higher defaults until you live your life on adrenaline and glucose and all kinds of chemicals regularly shooting through your brain that wouldn’t be happening if you were calm and relaxed. Resetting your brain chemicals is as difficult for some people as losing weight, you can’t just will power your way through it without first understanding what is really going on.

Drama is a way of life nowadays, isn’t it? Some people are so into drama they can’t seem to live without it, like they’re addicted. Well, they are! They need something to obsessively worry about or get angry over so they can keep pumping those chemicals into their brains. It’s every bit as addictive as alcohol and drugs, considering your brain is a pharmacy itself. Our brains and bodies produce drugs for us all the time, but those are intended to keep us alive when stuff gets hard, like human history used to be. And then we need other chemicals to make us feel better after all that high energy zapping, and that’s where we start self medicating. A lot of people sleep better after they drink coffee, which seems ironic. (Me…) We need a substance to trigger chain reactions to help us control how we feel, because we feel crummy if we don’t.

I tend to get carried away because typing words comes so easy for me, so let’s get back to my main point. Connect with people. Find people who accept YOU and will allow you the freedom to make some changes. If you don’t find these people in ‘real life’, find them on the internet. Twitter has been a godsend to me this year, I kid you not. I have gotten through so much stuff, thanks to friends interacting in real time on twitter. Social media is kind of a joke, but it’s real. There are real people all over this planet that you can reach out and touch now, and we are all resources of love and hope for each other if we do this right.

I’ve been using this song all week to float through the rough stuff. Find something meaningful for you and focus on it. And connect.