the girl who lived

More info about World Suicide Prevention Day –> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Suicide_Prevention_Day

It’s happened in my family, it has probably happened in yours or another family that you know. Suicide isn’t always about ‘giving up’. Sometimes it’s an ongoing yearslong roller coaster, a way of life, eventually an acceptance that someone might be mentally ill and will always need monitoring. Sometimes suicide is a big surprise that no one saw coming, and sometimes you get messages for years, loud and clear.

“Life is worth living”, they say. “Hang in there”, they say. But the people who say that don’t know what else to say. I do. I wrote a post on July 23, 2008 called “Synchronicity, Suicide, and The Eyes”. It was one of my more popular posts, but with Xanga moving to new servers this summer, it disappeared off the search engines. But it’s still there –> http://bluejacky.xanga.com/2008/07/23/synchronicity-suicide-and-the-eyes/

It’s really important that we notice each other. Sometimes it’s hard to do that when we’re busy, especially if we’re so busy we never catch a break ourselves. Sometimes days and weeks slip by and we’re just grateful everything’s ok around us so we can keep racing to keep up. And then suddenly everything’s not ok, someone tried to kill themselves and turned our world upside down. We missed all the warning signs because we thought everything was ok.

The hardest part about living with or near someone who self harms or has thoughts of suicide is that eventually you have to face that maybe it’s just coming sooner or later, and there might be a day you just can’t stop it. We wrestle with the right and wrong, the good and bad of suicide. We fear for someone’s soul after they’ve taken their own life. We feel frantic and helpless and desperate. Those are big feelings to deal with, and as long as they’re in the way, we aren’t helping the person who really needs the help. No matter what happens, it’s ok to just love that person. Whether they can feel our love or not, whether they can cognitively understand our love or not, whether they can get through that awful heavy haze of self incrimination or whatever pain they’re in, physical or emotional, the most important thing is that we love them. Sometimes life hurts. They either go alone, or they go with us holding their hands. It really is that simple. If you aren’t strong enough to ride that roller coaster with them, be honest and say you’re not strong enough. It’s still ok to check in, give hugs, go shopping, eat lunch together, whatever. The key is that you’re honest.

I wrote about the pink TARDIS in a blurb at syfydesigns I’ve been saying for years I’m not really psychic, but this kind of stuff happens to me all the time, usually starting with dreams. Pink TARDIS is about arriving on a world fixing its ills with happy pills. I’m all for head meds if you need them, but if that is the only thing you are hanging onto and still not talking to someone about your stuff, then you need to be screaming to someone to listen. If the people around you don’t hear you, find other people who do. The internet is often mocked for fake and shallow relationships, but it can be a real lifesaver when the people around you are determined to remain blissfully ignorant and stuck in belief systems that justify them not opening their eyes.

A quote from my pink TARDIS blurb- “Having depression doesn’t mean there is something wrong or bad with you any more than having something like diabetes.  You do not cause your depression. Many people self medicate with alcohol and drugs without realizing they have depression. As I have learned how to control my diabetes with a diet change, so I am learning how to live better with my depression through a social interaction change.”

We are blessings in this world. Even on our worst days we can choose how we treat other people and what we create. Joy can be right around the corner. If you can wait one more day, one more week, one more month, one more year, you might run into joy that turns it all around. I did. Was it worth the wait? Totally.

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